Me: So, I looked at a bunch of a bunch of uncircumcised penises on the internet last night.
Me: Is your erection ever uncomfortable because you had too much foreskin removed?
He: Uh, no.
Me: Does your glans ever become irritated from being exposed all the time?
He: So. . . why were you looking at penises on the internet?
Me: Well, there’s been a bunch of discussion lately on the interwebs about circumcision versus uncircumcision. I’ve read two blogs [read these, even if there’s no pictures or illustrations, they’re good: Lahikmajoe: Getting a Baby’s Consent Is No Easy Matter and Sprocket Ink: To Snip or Not to Snip] about the topic in the last few days. People are now saying that it’s a completely unnecessary procedure, painful and mutilating, even. And I haven’t even seen an uncircumcised penis. Well, except that one time in college, and it was dark, and I don’t think that guy was a very good representation, because seriously? His penis was the size of a pencil. If he’d been circumcised, there probably wouldn’t have been anything left of it.
He: . . .
Me: So I was curious.
He: Well, I am in favor of the circumcised penis.
Me: You are???
He: Yes. I cannot even imagine going camping, or to war, or being in the desert, anywhere where there was a limited water supply and you would be getting all sweaty and gunkified and not have anything to clean that stuff off with except pee. There would be nastiness, and infection, and it would be just gross.
Me: Pee is supposedly sterile.
He: Yeah, but I just have a problem with the idea of rubbing pee all over myself to get clean.
Me: So for you, circumcision is a necessary hygienic measure.
He: Oh, for sure.
Me: Hey, I moved the hamper to the front of the closet so that it would be more convenient for you get to and therefore would perhaps encourage you to take the few extra steps to put your dirty clothes in it. That does not seem to be happening.
He: I know, I have my faults. But, really? You shouldn’t flip out about my dirty socks on the floor since I don’t flip out about you looking at a bunch of penises.
Touche, sir, touche.