One of the ways I like to torment my son

July 27, 2012

Younger Son, as he’s driving us down a back road on the way home from the liquor store: I know about fifty ways to get home now. You know about 65th to Arch?

Me: Oh, yeah. That gas station there at the 65th Street exit is where Joe [the Husband] and I made out for the first time. He was driving me home–well, to Gege’s house–after our–well, not a date. The first time we hooked up. And he stopped there to get gas. And we made out a little in the parking lot. But it wasn’t a total hookup, because I wouldn’t have sex with him, although he sure tried. I kept saying, Get OFF of me!

Younger Son: You know I can never unhear that.

Me: Son, you know I’ve had sex a few times other than the two occasions you and your brother were conceived. I’ve had sex with you in the house, even. In fact, I had sex just the other night, when you were asleep right across the hall. We were quiet, though. We try to be considerate, seeing how you have to get up so early to go to work.

He: [turns up stereo to eardrum shattering decibels]

Me: [screaming to be heard over Warren Zevon] Okay! I’m finished!

He: [as he turns down stereo] You know, I shouldn’t be hearing about your irresponsible behavior.

Me: Irresponsible behavior? I told you, I wouldn’t do the sex with him!

He: I know. It’s terribly irresponsible of women to hook up with guys and not come through with the sex.

Me: Oh. I do see your point.

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Vinny C July 27, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Ah! But he gives as good as he gets, I see.
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Amy July 27, 2012 at 10:04 pm

“I wouldn’t do the sex with him” made me laugh so hard I snorted in a very unladylike fashion.

My favorite type of laughing of them all.
Amy recently posted..No rest for the wickedMy Profile


Jyllianm July 27, 2012 at 10:25 pm
Carmen July 30, 2012 at 1:41 pm

totally irresponsible. Prick tease.
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Mayor Gia July 30, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Hhahahaa. It’s only funny because it’s not MY parents saying that.
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