This is not a real post, because I am tired, and I might have to go take another shower, because I still feel like roaches are crawling on me. There’s no such thing as microscopic roaches, is there? Please say no.

July 25, 2012

The Husband and I have been cleaning his mother’s house for the past two days. I won’t go into that adventure in great detail at this time, but suffice it to say, we are no where even close to being finished.

And I have had to get in the shower and scrub myself vigorously, including my hair, as soon as I get home every day, which annoys the shit out of me because I fucking hate to wash my hair. Seriously, I’m like a little kid about washing my hair. It’s long and thick and takes forever and a day to dry and ordinarily I can go two, three, even four days without washing it and it doesn’t look, smell, or feel dirty at all. One of the few perks of getting aged. Who knew? Your hair never gets dirty when you get old. Unless you have roaches and roach detritus falling in it all day.

I just made myself throw up and it wasn’t just a little.

So anyway, I was in the shower, because I couldn’t talk Husband into bathing me like I was at a fancy spa and he was a fancy spa worker (he claims to be even more tired than I. Fucking lightweight). Usually I do some of my best thinking in the shower, but this evening I was thinking things like this:

This particular shave gel is specified “for bikini area.” Huh. Do people really buy shave gel to use just for their bikini area? I use this on my legs. Is that wrong? Am I going to be fined by the shaving police? WHO BUYS DIFFERENT SHAVE GELS FOR THEIR LEGS AND THEIR BIKINI AREA? Or could the legs be considered part of the bikini area? It is visible when one wears a bikini, after all. Do I even know what the bikini area is? Maybe I’m thinking bikini line. Because, seriously? If I used this stuff just on my bikini line, it’d last me, like, ten years. It’d probably evaporate before I could use it all shaving my bikini line. I have maybe three hairs there. But probably bikini area and bikini line are different. Somebody please explain this to me. I’m thinking the bikini area could include the hoo-ha region? In that case, this would last me seven years. Yeah, I have about thirty hairs in that region. Don’t hate. The hairs on my face more than make up for my good fortune in the lack of hair on my snatch. No kidding, I have my retirement plans set. Sideshow worker as the bearded lady. Lots of people travel when they retire, right? I’ll be traveling AND entertaining the masses. Win-win. 

 

So this is not a post. It’s an informal survey, if you will. Does anybody use different shave products for different parts of their bodies? And what do YOU consider the bikini area?

Thanks.

{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }

Jaime July 25, 2012 at 9:49 pm

I use the same shave gel for legs and bikini area… and IMO the bikini area is the full hooha region.
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Handflapper July 25, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Aha! Just as I suspected.

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Lady Estrogen July 25, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Fuck no. I barely use different soap for my hair.

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Alison July 25, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Companies that produce these things must think we’re morons. They’re all made out of the same shit, right?

Shave? Who has time to shave?
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Jenbug July 25, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Certainly not me!
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Jenbug July 25, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Dude, I’m so lazy, I use the razor that has the soap bar attached. There’s no two product crap for this girl; there’s barely one product! And bikini area is all the nether regions – not just the bits that can be seen when a bikini is worn. Oh, and FYI: the lazy soap/razor thingy doesn’t leave bumps. But I will say that it works best on fine hair.
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Handflapper July 25, 2012 at 10:21 pm

I used to use a soap/razor combo, but the soap wore off unevenly and I always ended up cutting myself. I am not a product person, either, but I have extra dry reptile lizard skin, and that Bikini Zone stuff is super moisturizing.

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Rod (@airigoagain) July 25, 2012 at 10:15 pm

I KNOW! I KNOW!!!
Shaving products, at least the industrially made ones, contain substances that aren’t to be used around certain parts of the body: like eyes, nose, mouth, anus, vagina, penis (I think that’s it, aside from open wounds and stuff) because they are linked to cancer, or very likely to be linked to it.

Yep, it’s special because it doesn’t cause your hoo-haw to go all weird and tumor-y. The bump-free bit is probably about the start of the tumors. This isn’t a “chemicals are bad!” rant. I LOVE chemicals! I have books on them. I even own a Merck Index! (Don’t ask, it’s an expensive, heavy book for making you look smart, even if you’re not. Like Me!)

So, yeah. Shaving the special area needs special stuff…unless you don’t care if your stuff falls off.

If you think all this sounds bad, you should read more about the history of shaving/hair removal. This is the rose scented water compared to the horse manure that used to be used. (I can’t remember if horse manure was used for shaving, I don’t think so. But I was said to be a cure for baldness, at one point.)

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Handflapper July 25, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Ha! I KNOW what a Merck Index is! I’ve even looked at one! I know more about chemicals than any person who never even took chemistry in high school should have to due to an unfortunate accident my husband experienced fifteen years ago.

Um, what shaving products would those be? The ones containing substances not to be used around eyes, nose, mouth, anus, vagina, penis? Besides legs and armpits, what other parts are routinely shaved? Excluding those body builder freaks and swimmers who shave every damn thing, that is. And the bumps to which this product label refers most certainly are NOT tumor bumps! They’re like, ingrown hairs and razor rash bumps. Pimple-like things.

There’s also been some blabber about antiperspirant causing cancer, but there’s been no link proven in any studies yet. And I’m pretty sure shaving gel is just fancy soap. I’m going to look into this some more. I don’t want my hoo-ha to fall off. I do still use it occasionally.

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Rod (@airigoagain) July 25, 2012 at 11:20 pm

Well, the face does get a lot of shaving, in men anyway.
I don’t remember which ones, stuff like the solvents and propellants (if it’s in a pressurized container), all I really recall from that minor note in the book was that bikini areas should get their own shaving lubricants.

I was kidding about the bumps being tumors. Men are fairly familiar with razor rash. With ladies, it’s (or so I’ve heard) generally down to old razors. Ones that might even need stropping (it can be done with a pair of jeans for disposables, google it).

Fine clay is meant to be a great shaving lubricant (I’m avoiding gel/foam/cream/balm/oil/banana-octopus, because that’s personal choice, I think) . I can’t remember the argument against using plain soap…who cares. I have repeat much on a topic I know little, now I will eat ice cream!

I’ll still be using my shaving gel and my antiperspirant. 🙂

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This One Time at Art Camp July 26, 2012 at 8:26 am

I for one get it all waxed off (don’t hate), but before that I knew the woes of shaving. There’s actually a product called Coochie that you can buy at the naughty adult store which is specifically for shaving the vag. These products whore themselves out as preventing razor bumps. They help and all but the only way to really prevent them is using that stuff, a single blade razor and shaving in the same direction as the hair growth. On top of THAT – no clothing or tight/tightish clothing around the cooch for 24 hours. PAIN IN THE ASS. Men….if your woman keeps up with her vag, PLEASE show it lots of love and be grateful.

xoxo
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Amy July 26, 2012 at 8:39 am

I don’t use anything special. Shower gel, usually. It’s slippery enough. I’m really lazy.

Also, I don’t do a lot of special-areas-upkeep. There’s really no reason to bother if no one sees it but me. I’ll look into that someday, once someone else is…looking into that. I guess. Whatever. As mentioned: super-lazy.
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Sandra July 26, 2012 at 10:51 am

Not only do I not use different products for my legs and bikini area, I don’t even use specific products. I use a bar of soap.
…I’m sorry girl, I am now itching and scratching myself from the microscopic roaches crawling on me!

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Andi July 26, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Oh god, I use soap for shaving. As usual, I fail at womanhood — or maybe femininity. It’s so hard to keep track. Also, I thought the “bikini area” was the area exposed by your bikini. Otherwise, it’s your pubic area. Right? I fail at anatomy as well.

The roaches — is your MIL a hoarder? So far, my MIL is not too bad — a bit behind in her cleaning but she has two cats, a dog, and regular overnight visits from my kids. I’m blaming the kids for ALL OF THE MESS.
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Suniverse July 26, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Until the girl started shaving, I just used soap because I am lazy, and also I went about 5 or 6 years without shaving in my twenties, and generally only shave MAYBE once a week now.

Sending you clean thoughts.

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The Woodlands Biotch July 26, 2012 at 6:29 pm

i hardly ever even remember to use any kind of shave gel and/or cream and/or lotion. but i will tell you this – you use a schick hydro silk razor and you’re taking your life into your own hands. trust me on this.

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Verb Vixen July 26, 2012 at 9:01 pm

I dont use any shave products at all….just the schick hydro men’s razor and water. I shave every day because I hate stubble like BURNING. Maybe a little ocd about it actually. It took a long time to figure out what wouldnt irritate my super sensitive skin.
But I do have an addition to post shower moisturizing. I prefer oils but i have an array of lotions as well.
Oh and Moom wax strips for the bikini area 😉

GROSS about the roaches yo.

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Janika July 27, 2012 at 7:25 am

I miss being able to buy all that stuff… =( I’ve become allergic to so many things as I’ve gotten older. But it used to be a terrible conundrum for me, too, what to buy???? The ~pink~ stuff…
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HariKari July 30, 2012 at 5:45 pm

My husband found a dvd in a box that a friend of ours was throwing out while cleaning cause he is moving back to canada. It was full of porn. This particular dvd was all about hairy pussy. Husband holds it up and says “honey! Look! Yours looked just like this when I first met you!!!” Really?

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HariKari August 1, 2012 at 12:46 am

I can’t believe i even posted this comment.

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