My dog is her canvas.

September 11, 2012

I just shaved my legs, which required a closer observation of my legs than I usually give them (I mean, I don’t sit around looking at my legs and obsessing about them all the time–well, yes, I obsess about them, what woman doesn’t? but I don’t look at them while I do it because that would be way too depressing) and I noticed that from about the hips down, I look like I have been dragged behind a car down a bumpy road. Maybe for a short distance, and not at a terribly high speed. My skin is not in tatters or anything. But there are a lot of bruises and scrapes and scratches and scabs for which I have no explanation. A few of the bruises and scratches look fairly recent. Maybe I acquired them while I was attempting to brush the dog yesterday?

My husband and I paid $300 for this dog, or roughly $100 per brain cell among the three of us.

Hellbaby helped, although I don’t know how much good she did with a paintbrush. That dog was pretty tangly. He’s fairly cooperative about being groomed, even when he went to the professional groomer for the first time a couple of months ago, where they spent approximately eleventy hundred hours shaving, washing, and brushing him. Professional grooming did something to his attitude. He thinks he has been elevated somehow, because now he insists on sleeping on the bed with us, which he never did before, and he also thinks he’s supposed to travel with us in the car wherever we go. Whereas before to take him to the vet or the park or what have you, it took at least two fit adults to wrestle/shove him into the car, now we have to drag him out of the driver’s seat because as soon we leave the house, he hops the backyard fence and bolts into the car, no matter if the car door is open only a few inches. So far his being kicked off the bed every night and dragged out of car every day for two months has not discouraged him.

Yep, I bet that’s how I got some of these bruises and scrapes, either from the goddamn dog squirming around trying to direct my brushing to his throat and chest, the only places that, in his opinion, require any attention, or from goddamn Hellbaby stepping on my lap as she attempted to get in prime paintbrushing position.

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Lily from It's A Dome Life September 11, 2012 at 11:58 pm

I hope you survive.

xoxox – Queen of the Mystery Bruises
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Kait September 12, 2012 at 11:42 am

Hellbaby beats the crap out of you all the time. You just block it from your mind.

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realtors September 23, 2014 at 4:12 am

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